Us vs. "Them"

Where do we stand on the use of the “they” and “them” for third person singular? It seems that it’s becoming standard: “Each user must enter their username and their password.” In that sentence I would use “his:”

Each user must enter his username.

The problem obviously is a gender issue. We feel that “his” somehow excludes the females among us. I think that until some time recently it was generally conceded that “he,” “his,” etc were universal pronouns, and “she” was subsumed under “he.” In today’s world, this, apparently, will no longer do.

I have, of course, seen “she” used as a universal pronoun, but I will say no more about it.

There are unquestionably certain cases where the masculine would be awkward - books on marriage, for example. “Always remind your spouse how much you care for them.” Using “him” in this context suggests that the advice only applies to wives, while using “him or her” becomes onerous after a bit. At the same time, use of the gender-neutral can become silly. “If the patient is pregnant, they must tell the staff immediately.”

Then we get into collective nouns, like “company” and “group.” I often see things like “the company filed their annual report.” I don’t think so. “Company” is an “it,” not a “they.” But you have, say, “the board met on Monday morning, and they discussed the annual budget.” “It discussed the annual budget” doesn’t sound right at all. (Of course you could omit the pronoun altogether, but then I wouldn’t have my example.)

The group is touring North America. They are playing better than ever. Or “it” is playing better than ever?

And what about “everyone” and “everybody.” Both words are technically singular. “Everyone has one” not “everyone have one.”

Nothing wrong with “everyone has his favourite” but one will more often encounter “everyone has their favourite,” which, or course, brings us back to the use of singular “they.”

Or perhaps not. “Everyone left the building before the fire started, and he was glad he did” is grammatically correct, but downright silly. That leaves the grammatically neurotic among us wringing our hands; the only solution is to reframe the sentence: “Everyone left the building before the fire started, except one guy, who was too immersed in Strunk and White to notice.”