“Sorry the apartment is rented.”
Five words, no identity, no address.
This is what it’s like looking for a house in Montreal.
The first thing you have to do is decipher the classifieds. Each dwelling is identified by an esoteric number, meant to represent the number of rooms. So a bachelor may want a 2 ½ or a 3 ½ , a family will look for a 5 ½ or a 6 ½, depending of course on the number of people. In theory, a 6 ½ has 6 rooms, not counting the bathrooms. It could have 15 bathrooms – it’s still a 6 ½.
In reality of course there is usually no correlation between the number they give you in the ad and the actual number of rooms in the house. We look for a 7 ½ and up, but that’s just the start. These ads typically have very little information. What you see is:
7 ½ lower duplex, near Metro, appliances, unheated, July 1
No address, no rent. How many bedrooms? Garage? Basement?
And unheated. I love that. That doesn’t mean that there is no heat. Can’t have that in Canada. It means that the tenant pays for the heat. That’s good to know, but kind of meaningless where the rent isn’t stated.
So it’s to the phone we go. Make a list of possibilities, then start calling.
First, there are those who don’t return messages. I guess they’re not so eager to rent.
Then there are those who don’t know anything, or who can’t make arrangements for viewing.
“It’s my sister’s place; I really don’t know too much about it.”
“Can we see it?”
“I don’t know, I will have to call the tenant and see when she is home.”
“Could you call me back?”
“Of course not, that would be too easy wouldn’t it?”
And there are the landlords who refuse to tell you anything.
“Hi you have a duplex for rent?”
“Yes we do…”
“How many bedrooms?”
“How many people is it for?”
“It’s for my family. How many bedrooms are there?”
“How many people in your family?”
“Me and my wife and my kids. How many bedrooms?”
“How many kids?”
“How about if you let us come and see it?”
“How many people is it for?”
Not all ads are in the paper. Often there are signs on houses. I saw one such sign about 5 weeks ago. It said “à louer: 6 ½ or 3 ½.” That’s good I thought; we could take both. So I call up and the lady tells me Sorry the apartment is rented. Fair enough.
This past weekend I noticed a sign up that said “à louer: 6 ½ or 3 ½..” So I went home and called, and when I heard the voicemail I realized that it was the one I’d called before. So why were the signs still up I wondered. Could be the lease fell through. So anyway I left them a message and they did call back. Left us a message. “Sorry the apartment is rented.” It’s amazing that I actually knew to which “apartment” she was referring.
(That’s another thing. There is a breed of people out there who refer to all residential rental units as “apartments.” You could be renting Buckingham Palace; it’s a “apartment.”)
Sunday there was an ad for house with 2 units. And the lady on the phone gave me the address, and told me to come between 2 and 4. “There’s an open house” she said. She even gave me directions. This is too good I thought.
It was. I went at 2:30. The house existed, but there was no “for rent” (or “à louer”) sign, and nobody answered the door. Maybe I had the address wrong. I didn’t take the phone number with me – not too smart that. So I anyway I trooped up and down the street looking for the right house, and I came upon a house at the end of the block with a sign, 2 units. Maybe this is it. I knock. An old lady comes. She says no there is no open house. Can I look anyway? I’m here. She says how many people.
“For my family.”
"How many in your family?"
"Not too many. Can I see your house?"
"Not too many? How many?"
"I don't know."
"You don't know how many kids you have?"
"Some many be leaving home. We don't know yet. Can we see the house?"
“Where is your wife?”
“She ran off with the TV repairman. Now can I see your damned house???”
"I think it's too small for you......"
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