Sitting On The Fence...

Warning: Contains superficial content

When I was 10, I watched a fencing match at the PanAm Games. My father took me, and my kid sister came with us. (That's an irrelevant fact, about the sister, but there are family issues here that I can't get into.) I don't remember much about the fencing (let alone the sister, I don't even remember her being there) - who competed, who won - but it remains a piece of my personal history.

That was 1967. This is 2011. What I'm looking at now is the aftermath of a federal election. Now everything there is to say about the election has been said, or will be said, or even won't be said, and there's no need for me to add anything, and anyway the last thing I want to be is a political blogger. I'd like to keep my soul, thank you.

What I want to talk about here, besides fencing, is scenery. Around my neighbourhood, all those election signs have become part of the landscape, kind of like those à vendre and à louer signs that persist from year to year. I've gotten used to seeing Martin Cauchon's ugly face on each and every lamppost and hydro pole within 5 miles. Given the homonymic meaning of "Cauchon" (fr "cochon" = "pig") it's not difficult to imagine what the kids have done with markers. Still, Cauchon is Clark Gable compared to the now-disgraced Gilles Duceppe. Mulcair, the incumbent, I'd say he's presentable. I'd even date the guy, if I was into dating guys.

But what I really want to talk about, besides fencing, is the Bloc candidate. Her name is Elise, and if the poster pictures are accurate, well then she is, how shall I put this ... well... I'd say that she's drop-dead gorgeous.

How clever, I thought, in a riding where you don't stand a ghost of a chance, run a bimbo. You'll never get votes for political values or ideology, so go for looks. The concept, not totally untried in the world of political strategy, at least has aesthetic value. I found myself walking around the neighbourhood quite a bit over the past few weeks. And I got curious. So I decided to do some stalk... research, purely in the interest of political analysis of course. And what I found out was this:

1. She looks like this:

and ...

2. She is a fencing champion, if a Silver medal makes you a champion. She has played for Team Canada in the Pan Am Games, though it has been suggested that playing for Team Canada and running for the Bloc Quebecois are ideologically mutually exclusive. I will not render an opinion. She did better at fencing then at politics, where she garnered fewer than 4000 votes, and finished a distant third (maybe that’s a bronze).

I was thinking about all that when I walked into the polling station to vote Monday afternoon. I was confronted with a list of 7 (!) candidates, including communist and rhino, neither of whom I knew about beforehand. The ballot was plain text, no graphics, and that was good, because I ended up voting without reference to aesthetic considerations. When we get into online voting, though, with Flash and everything, well, it could change the face of democracy as we know it.

And tomorrow I’m going out to buy a sword...