Of Pirates And Drug Stores...

I go to the pharmacy. I go at lunch time. Now that’s not so major. But the pharmacy, well, it’s kind of like a department store. It seems to have everything, even furniture.

We have 2 big pharmacies here; one is called Pharmaprix and the other is called Jean Coutu. Now Pharmaprix, it’s called Shopper’s Drug Mart in the rest of Canada. But here in Quebec it’s Pharmaprix, because Prix is a French word that means “price,” so pharmaprix must translate as something like “drugs you buy for a price.”

The other, Jean Coutu, is named for someone called Jean Coutu. There was a chat room that had theme night every Saturday, and one time it was pirates, and I logged in as Jean Coutu, and everyone thought that Jean Coutu was a pirate.

When I was a kid, I had a pirate record, William Bendix Sings and Tells Famous Pirate Stories. And there was one story about Jean Lafitte:

Jean Lafitte, Jean Lafitte, Jean Lafitte
Was a mighty buccaneer,
He was brave as brave as he could be
But he never went to sea.

(I saw a movie about Jean Lafitte once, and in the movie he did go to sea, and he even made a woman walk the plank.)

So I rewrote the song slightly;

Jean Coutu, Jean Coutu, Jean Coutu
Was a mighty buccaneer,
He was brave as brave as he could be
So he opened a pharmaceeeeee.


Who would think you could buy clothes at a pharmacy. You can. There is a big Jean Coutu at the corner of St. Mathieu and Ste. Catherine, and they sell shirts and ties and socks and underwear and t-shirts and knickers, mens and ladies. I bought a belt there. I was very happy about that, because I need a belt. Well, no, I don’t because I bought one at Jean Coutu. It was $10.00 and it is already coming apart. But I wear it and it serves its purpose. Hurray for Jean Coutu.

Now the Pharmaprix is ok. It sells drugs, as one would expect a pharmacy to do, and first aid and the like, and some groceries, though no produce, that would be pushing it for a pharmacy. At Pharmaprix you can get a digital camera, a water filter, cosmetics and fragrances, tissues. That’s another thing I get there – tissues.

It is, for me, a sojourn, my lunch hour adventure. What’s on sale this week? What new displays have they got? Umbrellas in the spring, gloves in the winter, lawn chairs in the summer, windshield fluid all year – the surprises are never-ending.

At Jean Coutu you can use your air miles card, but Pharmaprix has something better; it’s called an Optimum card. And it’s good because it actually gets you cash discounts every so often. First they ask if you have the card: Avez vous le carte optimum? Well you don’t have to be a French scholar to understand that. Then they say you have a $20 discount will you take it. And I say, oh no, you keep it. No I don’t. I say yes. Yes Indeed. Yes. I will take the $20 discount. Thank you yes. Please give me a $20 discount.

Then I head back to work, my arms full of tissues, fragrances, bandaids, batteries, digital cameras, iced tea, melting ice cream, and knickers. And I stuff it all away in my drawer, and sit down at my desk and go back to work, anticipating the day next week when I get to go back to the pharmacy.

And that pirate record, it had a story about Captain Kidd, and I don’t for sure remember the song, but it might have gone like this:

Captain Kidd was a pirate
A mighty pirate was he
He made everybody walk the plank
Then he went home to tea…